I know you're shopping for PDA

That's a lie: no one does it. I know of not one person who wants, while searching for Yonkman's Hyper-Active Dry Yeast in the local grocery, to turn the aisle and be assailed with some ghastly vision of lip-grappling among the rolled oats and flour.

I want to be generous to these (seemingly foolhardy) couples. Maybe it's just the case that they don't know how to manage time very well. Quite possible. Maybe they need some help with scheduling.

Now, it is no coincidence that personal planners and loathsome public clutchings share the same acronym: they're both evil. But I figure that if we can pit two evils against each other, they can mutually counteract their evilness and end up all cancelled out.

So here's my great plan: to make a PDA PDA; that is, a PDA to eliminate PDA. It could have all sorts of bells and alarms and would only be able to schedule activities between the hours of 3 and 4 in the morning.

You don't even have to buy one. I'm giving them out free, at the grocery store.